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SUNY Cortland Diva Problems

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Since graduating 6 months ago, I’m the typical Cortland-obsessed post grad in complete denial that it’s not still August and I won’t be packing up all my stuff to move back into my three-story Victorian home on Tompkins with my 7 best friends. Whether you’re a student at SUNY Cortland or alumni of, you know Cortland is the epitome of “from the outside looking in you can never understand it, but from the inside looking out, you can never explain it”.

You know the slot in your wallet that everyone has and is filled with shit you never use but you always keep on you anyway because, well, what if I need it? It’s like the junk drawer of your wallet. And every time you take a peek, you think, “WOW I forgot I had this…..", until you realize IT. IS. USELESS. Unless I decide to go back to Cortland and get my masters. But no thanks, I’m in enough student loan debt.

I laid out my expired possessions and remembered how I earned bragging rights for never once losing my student ID in all 4 years of college, which explains why I look like a completely different person in my photo. I remembered taking that picture at the second session summer orientation and the people I met there who share a special place in my heart still to this day.

I laughed thinking about the first time I found love for Beach House Tanning on Main Street my freshman year. Yeah, I still have the ID # card they gave me but you bet your ass I knew that number by heart. Even the girls at the front desk knew that number by heart, they’d type it in the computer the second they saw me walk in the door and they’d say “you’re all set in room 21” before my two little legs even got to the front desk. I used to walk straight from class to tanning, back up West Court, then take the bus back down to my dorm, rain or shine. Wearing eyewear while tanning in New Jersey is not a law, so I’d go home during breaks and stock up on 'winkies' for my wallet just in case I forgot my eyewear at Beach House. Trying to tan there without your eyewear was like handing a fake Delaware ID to a bouncer at Dark Horse.

“I could still use my Tops bonus plus, CVS extra care, and Summit Bank card though”, I thought, but NAH… Tops and Summit don't exist in New Jersey and let’s be honest, CVS is overpriced and was only useful because I could pay with my Cortland Connections (my parents hooked me UP with textbook money and I would just blow it all on bloodies from Hairy Tony’s and Essie nail polish from CVS). Womp.

My official Alpha Phi membership card, Dark Horse drink voucher, and Coffee Mania punch card definitely hit the heart hard. I whined thinking about when the next time I’ll be chillin at Dark Horse Tavern will be, whether its upstairs or downstairs, and if a three-fourths-the-size-of-me Vodka Red Bull Bone will be in my hand or just a boring grown up drink. Also, how did I let myself graduate with 6 punches left on my Coffee Mania card? And my Alpha Phi membership card… Oh Alpha Phi. All my letters may have been passed down, but the memories, my paddle, and that card will stay with me forever. Shout out to Eta Tau and Fall 11 (we’re real I swear).

SUNY Cortland Diva Problems. These goodies ain't leavin my wallet just yet.
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