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Evidence That I'm Still Here | 2 Years Later

Saturday, September 29, 2018
Would you believe me if I told you that over a year ago I drafted up a blog post titled 'I TOOK 1 YEAR OFF FROM BLOGGING & HERE'S WHAT I LEARNED', and never published it? The post was written with intentions to promise that I'd be back in the blog game for good– but at the end of the day, I wasn’t sure if I could keep my word. I allowed minor excuses such as "maybe I'm not ready" and "this post can wait" become endless. And quite frankly, I mostly feared that people wouldn't give a shit. There are thousands bloggers & influencers in the world right now, what's another one trying to make a comeback?

Hold the lecture – I'm fully aware that not everybody is going to give a shit all the time, but I let this negativity ruin the actuality that some people do give a shit. So, I put it off. And off. And off again; and off some more. Next thing I know, it's been over 2 years since I last blogged, and this made me so incredibly sad. I felt like I was too entirely too late.

The message I wanted to portray in my '1 YEAR OFF FROM BLOGGING' post was about why a blog break is a great thing. As I reread this draft over 2 years later, I felt as if my positive message was no longer applicable to my own personal well-being. But why? The main culprit:  social media.

I hate to admit that a majority of my 2 years off from blogging were spent scrolling on Instagram for hours upon hours, staring at bloggers’ & influencers’ pages who were my age or younger, and succeeding in such a short amount of time. Instead of feeling "influenced" by these aesthetically pleasing Instagram feeds, I felt envious. I began putting myself up against so many flawless, creative individuals and ultimately questioned my self-worth.

I recently remembered my "why" as an active blogger:  I wanted to be an inspiration to others, not an influencer. The feedback that I'd receive from family, friends and readers, whether it be positive OR negative, always kept me motivated to create more. For the past 2 years, I wasn't creating content; therefore, the drive I used to have was nonexistent. I couldn't escape my own self-doubt, and this felt like a serious illness.

After having spent so many hours stalking strangers on Instagram, why I couldn’t bring myself to feel influenced or inspired to finally click “post”, I have absolutely no clue. Instead of pointing fingers at social media, I’m pointing a finger at myself – it’s silly AF to have been comparing my very outdated work against strangers’ filtered images. This first blog post is for ME – and putting the above negativity to sleep.

ANYWAY, enough of that. Hi stranger! It's been WAY TOO LONG. I’m not vein enough to think you noticed my absence from The Beetique, but in case you have, let's start over. I decided it’s time to collect every inch of fear that’s ever come between me & my creative process, crumple it up in a ball, tie a 25lb weight to it, and toss it off a boat into the Atlantic Ocean. It took a million times convincing that it’s not about who gives a shit & who doesn’t give a shit– it’s about YOU giving a shit about YOUR HAPPINESS.

1 comment on "Evidence That I'm Still Here | 2 Years Later"
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